I was driving along the road this past week with my almost-two-year-old daughter, Julia, in the back seat. Every Wednesday we head out to do something just the two of us. It’s nice. As I was going along, I started noticing how I was driving. In general, though I may not be the best driver in the world, I think I’m pretty good at it. I’ve been driving since I was 15 years old, and almost three decades later, only one minor fender bender to show for it. Not too shabby, I think. And, of course, after so many years of driving, it’s pretty much automatic, often experiencing “highway-hypnosis,” the feeling of having no conscious recollection of how I just drove from point A to point B. I think this happens with any long-term deeply rooted habits, good or bad (I don’t know HOW I just ate 17 cookies… watched 6 episodes in a row of Breaking Bad… ran 12 miles… etc.). Things just become automatic through repetition.
Well, for some reason, I started thinking about my driving. I became conscious of it. And when I did, I realized I was driving with one hand, had just fiddled around with the iPod for my daughter’s listening pleasure, and was intermittently sipping coffee from our recent visit to Dunkin Donuts. Being a pretty good driver, none of this was out of the ordinary. I feel pretty confident that I’m able to do all of these things and still pay attention (consciously or not!) to the road. But something came to me in that moment as I thought of my driving habits – my daughter mimics almost everything she sees! All kids do as they grow up – that’s how they learn. And in that moment, I had a flash-forward thought of Julia at 16 years old, and if she was driving like I was just driving, I’d probably tell her to put two hands on the wheel, don’t worry about the music, and you can wait to drink until you’re parked.
Now I know that after driving for twenty-eight years or so, or even simply the fact that I’m an adult, I can and have the ability to do things that Julia is not and will not be able to do until she is an adult and has experience creating habits for herself. (Like I can stay up until 2am just because I felt like it. Not that I really CAN stay up until 2am anymore, but if I really wanted to… well, you get the idea!) But it got me thinking – how WILL Julia learn how to drive safely if she sees me driving with less-than-safe driving habits for the next 14 years before she sits behind the wheel for the first time? Isn’t modeling good habits more effective in the long run than simply using words to instruct on good habits?
I often work with parents who admit they tend to curse around their kids, and who will also admit that they’ll punish their kids if they’re caught cursing themselves. I also work with many parents who struggle greatly with their addiction to smoking, and the struggle tends not to be about how they wish they were healthier. It’s more about their concern that their kids will think it’s okay for them to smoke too.
So 
I started thinking that I should “wake up” while I’m driving (this would be a good thing for all drivers, no?!) and start recreating those good habits that I had started way back when, before I became an “expert” driver, all to help be a better model to our child. The same child who is repeating almost everything we’re saying these days, who is mimicking our funny faces and actions to a tee, and who we know is watching and learning from us as we move through the world. What’s good, what’s bad, what’s dangerous, what’s appropriate, what’s not. We know we’re not going to be perfect, but we can strive to make better choices so we can teach her our values by living them, not just by telling them. Of course, this involves more than just my driving habits, but also things like our eating habits, the books we read, the places we visit, how we handle our finances, the jokes we laugh at, how we handle conflict and frustration, how we show love, and obviously plenty more.
And if I make better choices today, if I become more conscious of my current habits today, and I begin altering them today for the benefit of my daughter, I imagine aspects of my own life will improve (by lessening the odds of a car accident, poor health, financial ruin, etc. and increasing the odds of a long, healthful, prosperous, and joyous life!). And I hope to pave the way to help our daughter make healthy and smart choices for herself in the long run. This is why I’ve decided to start teaching my two-year-old to drive today. I’m going to pay more attention to putting both my hands on the wheel more often than not. It might not make any difference in the long run, but something tells me: she’s paying attention today!